The most devastating losses in my life (marital separation, divorce, nearly dying, loss of career, divorce #2 …) turned into my biggest gains. Each time I surrender, the more alive I become. The less I identify as “me”, the more truly me I am. As cryptic, woo-woo, and Jesus-like as those may sound, over and over life has proven them true to me. It seems a key to experiencing the fullness of life (aka bliss, enlightenment, salvation, and True Self) is a loss of self. I don’t know about you, but for most of my life this has sounded like mumbo jumbo, so I figured I’d try to shed some light on the topic.

What I’m getting at is: Who are we really? Minus the titles, strengths, weaknesses, jobs, thoughts, preferences, emotions, physique, and stories, WHO am I? Who are you? The losses of wives, a career, 50% of my vision, the ability to drive, and such were gifts as they helped me step back and realize all the fleeting, changing things I just listed did NOT define me. And they don’t define you either. We are something magical and mysterious that is beyond words!

This, I find, is the power of surrender—accepting and being in the moment just as it is. I find the more I’m able to do this by observing my thoughts and sensations like clouds in the sky, being with and enjoying my breath, and tuning into my bodily sensations; the more I tangibly experience the intimate interconnectedness between me, everyone, and God. And honestly, it’s like swimming in a sea of unending bliss, harmony, and Love.

In letting go of the thoughts, ideas, and other things we often associate with selfhood, I find a richer and deeper experience of me. A me beyond words. Beverly Lanzetta says: “We empty ourselves to let the divine flood us with love. We are empty so we may be full.” Letting go, even for a moment, of the stories we readily identify our small, separate self with, is to throw open the doors and windows of our soul and let the fullness of Light, Life, and Love pour in!

A different way to describe my story of becoming (NOT that I’m done!) is a journey from me to we to everyone.  In a real way, through my first divorce my sense of self was nearly 100% me-centric, until after my second union fell apart it was we-centered (my tribe and I), and now it’s more everyone-oriented. The sorrows of people on the other side of the planet are mine, just as much as the joys of friends hundreds of miles away are. Know what I mean?

Who are you? Who am I? I believe the truth is fabulous beyond words and reveals/includes a heart-to-heart union between me, you, everyone, and the Divine. How about you?

Hugs & Love,


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