We had the joy of watching 3 of Lisa’s grandkids recently. Since it was a beautiful day, we took them to a local park with a playground. While we were talking to another family at one end of the park, the 1.5-year-old started exploring the space. Keeping one eye on him (my good one, lol), once Hudson started nearing the other end of the park, I walked after him. Three sides of the park are fenced in, but he was nearing the open part. He’d been following the fence, and as I neared, he clutched and shook it in defeat. “Curse you, fence! I’m TRAPPED! Argh!” I imagine his toddler brain was saying. Hilariously, he’d gotten 98% of the way to freedom. Perspective is everything.
I have a theory I’m trying on for size in that vein. It’s that the bigger our perspectives grow, the better our lives get. If Hudson had “stepped back” and gazed more broadly, he’d have realized “escape” was a mere ten feet away! Likewise, while I was suffering through my second divorce—bemoaning how unloved I was—when I widened my perspective, I realized I was SO loved by SO many incredible people. This ongoing realization helped the deep hurt of rejection heal from the inside out … over time. I name it “ongoing” because, I have the sense us humans are like amnesiacs who need regular reminders of how loved, precious, and wanted we are, as we’re constantly forgetting! Know what I mean?
It’s not like reframing how we see things instantly removes the suck, sorrow, stress, or _____. No. Surrounded by loving friends and family, the primal pain of being rejected by my partner still existed. You see: Perspective simultaneously changes nothing and everything! My hurt was still there, but instead of it being so loud and proud, it was surrounded by oceans of love and wellness.
Reframing how I saw and experienced things, by going from:
“Oh my gosh, she doesn’t want me. I’m unlovable. I’m broken beyond repair.”
to:
“Of course, divorce hurts … AND, I’m loved by more people than I can count, who think the world of me. Her departure is more about her story than mine.”
made a world of difference.
You know how one instrument alone can sound off, not good, or even shrill, but when it’s played with a band or symphony, together they sound incredible? I think perspective is like that—the bigger, the better. How could reframing things from a broader point-of-view aid you?
Hugs & Love,Lang
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