If your profile had a relationship status (with yourself), what would you put? For most of my life, it was “complicated”. While I was addicted to porn (1998-2008), for instance, part of me despised myself. Likewise, during the evolution of my first divorce, I just didn’t want to be me. Following my second divorce in 2013, I felt lost and unlovable. Last year, Lisa and I talked about how I lacked confidence. Today, feeling confident, loved, and grounded, I think my lack of self-assurance was rooted in a lack of love for myself, as myself.
There’s something about loving yourself, and others, “just the way you are”, that is radically healing, enlivening, and transformative. To be fully, unconditionally loved exactly as we are, I’ve discovered, is the energy that frees us to be the best version of ourselves.
Don’t get it twisted, there is a tension to love, in that it both adores us exactly as we are, and pushes us to grow better. (Sidenote, props to Bruno Mars for his song “Just the Way You Are”.)
Sometimes it’s hard to get unstuck though. With mostly good intentions, society and people give us SO many messages about who and how we should be … YET … these “boxes” often hinder us from growing into the once in the history of ever magical miracle from heaven that each and every one of us was created to be. Know what I mean?
Part of the miracle of you, and me, is that we have “parts”. Part of me is confident, part insecure, part joyous, part fearful, part greedy, part generous, and on and on it goes. The “trick” is to honor, explore, and heal the parts that don’t seem to lead to us to love. Our “negative” parts—in my experience and studies—are, at their core, wounded blessings. My “greedy” part, for instance, at its core is just my God-given instinct to survive. And, when we welcome the seemingly unsavory bits of us “home”, they are able to relax into their original goodness. Note, this certainly can take time and therapy. With that in mind, I invite you to receive that, now and forever:
You are loved and love, just the way you are.
Hugs & Love,
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